the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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