She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
