I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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