how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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