i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
