is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
