so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
