im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
