I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
