My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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