I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
