I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
