i just google imaged poop.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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