i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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