I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
