I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
