I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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