hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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