Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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