sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
