So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
