can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
