the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
