My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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