He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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