Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
