I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
