Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
