I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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