is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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