I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
