their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
