a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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