i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
