my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
