Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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