I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
