I just threw up on my dentist
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Acid is not a monday night drug
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
