I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
