all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize