I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
