the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm too high and old for this...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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