.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
