Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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