It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
