Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
