Moan for me like Helen Keller
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
