and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
