The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
