Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
