Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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