Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
