he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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