You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
