someone threw a dead crab at me
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
