Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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