sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
