Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
