Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize